I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
