if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
