the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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