he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
