im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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