Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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