I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
