he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize