How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
