marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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