Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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