shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
