you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
