Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
