Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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