I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize