I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
