dude i'm inner monologue high
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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