Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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