we're chasing vodka with high fives
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
