Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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