I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize