My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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