Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
