i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
