my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
