then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
