Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
