Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize