are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
