all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
