The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
