worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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