fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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