Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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