Your dad touched me again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
