Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
