I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
