I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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