No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
