Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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