She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
