Having a random hookup so left but love u
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
