He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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