He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish I could teleport
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
