If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
