I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize