I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
