she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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