Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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