If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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