I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
