I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
