the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
