I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
