i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
