I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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