i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize