i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is Oprah even human
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
