She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
