Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
