Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize