I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize