"it" just moved
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just high enough for therapy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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