Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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