some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
